I've been in a bit of a funk lately. I think it's mostly because I've graduated and have yet to find a full-time job, so I'm wondering what the hell I'll be doing with the rest of my life.
When I started out in graduate school, I knew I wanted to teach. Well, I still want to teach, but finding a full-time teaching job at a community college seems to be more difficult than winning the lottery. There are jobs out there, I just don't have enough experience to even get an interview.
It's really frustrating. I wouldn't mind the whole teaching-part-time-to-get-experience bit, but it's pretty much impossible to support myself on a part-time salary. And did I mention, no benefits? Oh, and many teachers do this for 4 or more years before getting a full-time teaching job. So I find myself wondering, "Why did I want to do this again?"
I thought about teaching high school, but besides the fact that I worry I can't handle the unruly kids, I can't afford to teach high school, because of my school loans. Not to mention I don't have a credential.
But if I don't teach, then what do I do? I feel like there's nothing out there calling to me as a career. I just feel like I'm wandering without a destination.
And all this mess has carried over to other aspects of my life. It's feeding all my other insecurities and bringing them to the surface. I am constantly second-guessing myself. The second-guessing bit isn't always a bad thing, but it's different somehow lately. I'm back to dealing with my biggest hang-ups. It's really driving me crazy. I tell myself to get over it, but somehow that just makes it worse:S
Don't get me wrong. I know there are many people out there with far worse problems to deal with. I've been extremely lucky in my life and I am very thankful for it. I just have been feeling...blah lately. I think I need to dig out that Choices book I posted about a while ago. If I'm choosing to feel this way, something has got to change!
If you've made it this far, sorry for being a downer, but thanks for "listening." I'll try to post something more upbeat in a bit...